For most of us, self-limiting beliefs are something we both consciously and unconsciously engage in. We have all doubted ourselves, assumed we would not be good enough, or decided that we would not get the opportunity we were hoping for. It’s part of being human to doubt yourself and manage your capability. But rarely do self-limiting beliefs actually provide value to our lives. As always, I’m going to take a stab at trying to figure out why we have self-limiting beliefs as a function of our mind. If we can understand where our self-limiting beliefs come from we can begin to dissect their intended function and compare it to how they work in modern society.
Evolution as Always
Survival as an organism on this planet depends on conservation of resources. If you eat all of the food you find immediately you won’t have any left for later. If you use all of your energy trying to chase down an animal you won’t be able to bring it back to the group. Fat on our bodies is a physical representation of how we are biased towards energy conservation. Our bodies evolved to store excess energy on our bodies so we could use it later.
This extends into the mental realm as well. If it was valuable to conserve resources it stands to reason that only more conservative organisms would survive to reproduce, causing evolution. The trait of being conservative with resources, or being risk-averse, was beneficial to survival so it was passed on. We still have this tendency to conserve immediate resources and avoid unnecessary risks within us.
We’re Programmed to Stay Safe
I have written about how we fear risk in another article here, but the main premise is that unnecessary risks were dangerous before modern times. We are programmed to do what we know works. It’s why cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias exists. We feel uncomfortable with ideas that challenge our way of thinking and seek information that confirms our beliefs. If you are trying to survive in ancient times, when you see that a method of survival works, it’s a better bet to stick with it rather than try something untested.
Using tried and true methods of survival makes sense. That’s the paradigm your brain operates from; “do what works.” Self-limiting beliefs are a mechanism that reinforces this paradigm. If you artificially limit yourself and decide what you are capable of without testing it you create a “mental safety net” where you will not go beyond a certain point.
If you never go beyond your self-imposed limits, you never risk venturing into unknown territory. You never have to test new methods. From a survival perspective, this makes sense. You rely on what you know will keep you alive rather than risk losing resources trying something that MIGHT fail. However, when we put this frame of mind into a modern society it starts to break down.
We create self-limiting beliefs because our brains evolved to use them as a way to keep us safe. Our brains measure modern problems the same way it would measure prehistoric ones, threats to our safety and survival.
Think about it. What makes talking to someone you find attractive scary? In reality it is not scary to talk to another person, we do it all the time. From an objective standpoint there is nothing to fear. But there is a possibility of rejection, or failure, when talking to someone you find attractive. We fear failure because it represents a waste of resources from our mind’s perspective. Self-limiting beliefs are created to prevent us from taking the risk. We tell ourselves they aren’t interested or that we aren’t attractive enough for them.
Even though no resources get wasted, our prehistoric brain misinterprets the situation in trying to keep you”alive.” Consider another example; starting an exercise and diet routine. I have spoken to people who say they “can’t” diet and exercise regularly. Speaking from experience, the actions of diet and exercise themselves aren’t difficult. But because changing their lifestyle to include diet and exercise represents an untested path, a risk, they impose self-limiting beliefs to stop the change.
Two Minds, One Person
Their conscious mind knows these things are important, but the unconscious mind operates regardless. This is really what it comes down to: the conscious mind, what you have full control over, represents modern society. You have choice and the power to decide. The unconscious mind, everything operating in the background, represents ancient times. It is a series of tools that REACT and RESPOND to things that happen in the world.
Your conscious mind can’t use logic to convince the unconscious mind to change. The unconscious mind operates on instinct and feeling, not thought. This is why you can know something is good for you and still not do it. The trick is figuring out how to circumvent the failings of the unconscious mind. We aren’t trying to force it to change, we are accepting that it won’t and going around.
Applying the Theory
The question now becomes; how do we use this information to overcome self-limiting beliefs? We know that these beliefs are created in a misguided attempt to keep us from failing through the wasting of resources. Knowing this we can conclude that the self-limiting beliefs we experience are a byproduct of times that no longer exist. Modern society does not pose the same challenges and threats as ancient times did. Because of this, we have to acknowledge our self-limiting beliefs as being illogical.
“All self-limiting beliefs are illogical and fear-based. You have decided a limit exists without ever having made the effort to prove it.”
How to Change
Once you accept that these beliefs do not make any sense you can begin to challenge them. As with all problem solving, there are 3 steps we need to take to change. Awareness, Control, and Resolution.
Awareness
Awareness is about being able to recognize what the problem is, why it exists, how it works, and noticing when it comes up in your life. If you have read this far I have already walked you through what the problem of self-limiting beliefs is, why they exist, and how they work. With this understanding we can then begin to pay attention to when this comes up within us.
At some point I will write an article on my thoughts on mindfulness, but for the sake of this article we’ll keep it brief. Put some of your attention and intention towards noticing when self-limiting beliefs come up throughout the day. Typically they arise as doubts about your ability. You know it’s a self-limiting belief when the doubt has no basis in logic or reality. When you feel self-doubt emerge, ask yourself; “do I have any REAL evidence of this?” Typically the answer will be no. Don’t let the doubt answer for you, answer honestly and objectively.
Once you begin to identify what the self-limiting beliefs feel and “sound” like in your mind, do not judge them or try to silence them. Judgement just stokes the fire of negative emotions. The more you judge it the worse you feel for having feelings. Trying to silence it does something similar. It’s like pushing a beach ball underwater. The harder you push it, the more force it comes back with, eventually exploding up far more violently than if you had left it alone.
That’s all well and good, but what do we do if we aren’t judging or trying to get rid of these thoughts and feelings? First, we acknowledge them plainly. “I am experiencing doubt right now, this is a self-limiting belief.” Then, we ACCEPT them. You have to become willing to embrace these negative thoughts and feelings as something that comes and goes. It sounds counterintuitive, but it works.
The therapist I used to work under would always tell clients to “sit with that emotion.” What she meant is stop resisting and pushing it away because it was uncomfortable. If we just sit in the uncomfortability for a moment we realize that it is not that bad. You can handle it. Ironically, this acceptance of uncomfortability makes it go away. When you allow the emotion to exist as it is and just sit with it it fades quickly. “What you resist persists.”
Control
Once you have accepted the self-limiting belief as illogical and fear-based doubt and have sat with it for a moment, you then move into Control. To control a problem we must begin to challenge it and then replace it with something better. There is an important distinction between challenging a problem and judging or resisting it.
Judgement implies you are deciding something is good or bad. You label it a certain way. To challenge a self-limiting belief you must question whether or not you NEED TO HOLD that belief. The belief exists, you’re experiencing it. It’s not good or bad, it just is. We think that because we believe something it must be true. Our brains are wired to think that way. The process of controlling your self-limiting beliefs is being willing to ask yourself; “is this belief an accurate one? Do I need to keep holding on to this belief? Can I live without this belief?”
If you find that the belief does nothing for you and is rooted in illogical thinking, reject the belief. Decide you no longer want to believe that thing to be true. This is why Awareness is so important. You have to notice when these beliefs come up some that you can actively practice something new. These beliefs are rooted in your unconscious and often we don’t even know we have these beliefs. They impact how we feel, think, and act without us ever realizing.
Your Awareness helps you notice the belief as it arises, and then you challenge that the belief needs to exist. Not because it is bad, just because you want something better. Which brings us to step two of Control. You now have to think differently and act differently.
Identify a more realistic and rational belief to begin. We’ll consider the example of not having the time or energy to workout and diet properly again. You’ve noticed that you have this belief and begin to identify where and when it comes up. You decide to challenge it. It’s not that you don’t have some free time, you are just struggling to adjust your schedule and lifestyle because it represents a big change.
Instead of buying into what the self-limiting belief tells you, you CAN’T workout or eat right, you replace it with something more rational. It’s HARD to work out and eat right, but you have the capability to do it. Accept this new reality and begin working with it. You acknowledge that the work is hard, but commit to trying.
Resolution
Lastly, Resolution. Resolution is fairly simple in theory. Once you practice Control long enough you will develop a habit and eventually form a new pattern of thinking and behaving. But this isn’t all that change requires. Typically self-limiting beliefs arise from deeply held insecurities about ourselves. Self-doubt is the mechanism that prevents change, as discussed earlier in the article.
Resolution is about tackling self doubt and learning to work with our insecurities. The word “insecurity” gets thrown around a lot, I prefer to consider it “insecurity of identity.” When someone is insecure about something it is typically because they feel something of their identity is lacking. They aren’t tall enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, so on and so on.
When Resolving a problem we must acknowledge and accept the insecurities that fuel our problems. Considering the work out example; most people struggle to begin working out because they don’t feel like they’re the kind of person who does work out. They feel out of place at the gym and believe everyone judges them. They see the meat-mountain men and curvy women who have been working out for years, compare themselves, and feel defeated because they aren’t there yet.
But the reality is the only one judging them is them. Their insecurities about feeling out of place, like they aren’t the kind of person who works out, prevent them from succeeding at something they are capable of.
Final Lessons
That’s the beauty of being human, we have the power to be whatever we want to be. Anyone can get a PhD or become a bodybuilder, provided enough time and effort are put in. But rather than look at all the amazing possibilities we limit ourselves unnecessarily because it’s hard to work towards things and we don’t want to find out whether we’d fail if we actually tried.
Being able to accept that doubt and fear is part of being human helps us break free from that doubt and fear. When you are able to face these difficult thoughts and feelings without shying away from the uncomfortability they lose all power over you. In the words of my old workplace; “You’re not that fragile.” You can handle a difficult emotion without running away from it or shutting down.
Learn to embrace these emotions as signals. They’re telling you to reconsider. Accept them, be thankful that the self-limiting beliefs are just trying to keep you safe, but also understand that they are not needed at this moment.
The biggest roadblock to any growth or change in your life is your mind. Learn to work with your mind rather than resist it. Accept what it tells you, but decide not to believe it. You have the power to change your life in any way you want, you just have to learn to believe that.